Saturday, December 4, 2010
My name
My name. The one seen on this blog. I don't live up to it at all. I'm not wild. I'm pretty dull. And lazy. I used to think that the person who gave me this nickname saw something in me I didn't know was there. He was wrong. It's not there. I read all these blogs by these super-women. Homeschool moms who blog and cook and garden and ranch and have livestock and raise children and bake and have their own businesses and have a real camaraderie with their husbands and take gorgeous pictures and have real hobbies and do a million other things I have only ever dreamed about doing someday. It won't ever happen. I'm not superwoman. I'm dull and lazy. I'm not a wild woman or a cat or any combination thereof.
Ch ch ch changes
My oldest daughter is moving out this weekend. She has asked me several times how I feel about this. To tell the truth, I'm not really sure. I wish I was closer to her than I am. I wish I had more time. I wish I'd shown her more things. I'm having regrets.
We watched a video the kids shot about 10 years ago at our house in Hartville, MO. The crazy year. The year I was a bit "mental." We could hear me in the background typing away on the computer not paying attention to the kids. I did that a lot then. Too much. I believe I had some kind of strange breakdown during that time. And, watching that video, I am almost sure I did some damage to my children. When I should have been there for them, I was off in la la land IMing people who don't even remember doing that with me anymore. It meant nothing to them and everything to me at the time. I have regrets.
My children don't know everything they should know. My youngest two don't know half of what they should know to graduate from high school...which is probably twice as much as anyone graduating from our local high school knows. But it's not enough. I haven't done enough. I haven't been there enough. I haven't made the bigger sacrifice of my time. My children have suffered. My house has suffered. I've been so amazingly selfish. I have big regrets.
In the video, I look the same. I haven't lost a single pound in 20+ years. I am tired of being and looking like this. Sick of it. I cannot stand to look at myself in the mirror. No amount of hair styling or make-up or nice clothes will disguise the fact that I'm obese. I should have lost this years ago and been a better example for my children. I should have made nutritious meals and insisted on sitting at the table instead of in front of the boob tube. I should have done better. I have so many regrets.
So, even though it's almost too late, it's time for a change. Change in habits, change in diet, change in lifestyle, change in thinking. I want to rectify what wrong I've done. I don't want to have to have regrets. It's time to work on keeping my house in order. Literally. It's time to get my body in order. It's time to do and not sit. I'm tired of regrets.
We watched a video the kids shot about 10 years ago at our house in Hartville, MO. The crazy year. The year I was a bit "mental." We could hear me in the background typing away on the computer not paying attention to the kids. I did that a lot then. Too much. I believe I had some kind of strange breakdown during that time. And, watching that video, I am almost sure I did some damage to my children. When I should have been there for them, I was off in la la land IMing people who don't even remember doing that with me anymore. It meant nothing to them and everything to me at the time. I have regrets.
My children don't know everything they should know. My youngest two don't know half of what they should know to graduate from high school...which is probably twice as much as anyone graduating from our local high school knows. But it's not enough. I haven't done enough. I haven't been there enough. I haven't made the bigger sacrifice of my time. My children have suffered. My house has suffered. I've been so amazingly selfish. I have big regrets.
In the video, I look the same. I haven't lost a single pound in 20+ years. I am tired of being and looking like this. Sick of it. I cannot stand to look at myself in the mirror. No amount of hair styling or make-up or nice clothes will disguise the fact that I'm obese. I should have lost this years ago and been a better example for my children. I should have made nutritious meals and insisted on sitting at the table instead of in front of the boob tube. I should have done better. I have so many regrets.
So, even though it's almost too late, it's time for a change. Change in habits, change in diet, change in lifestyle, change in thinking. I want to rectify what wrong I've done. I don't want to have to have regrets. It's time to work on keeping my house in order. Literally. It's time to get my body in order. It's time to do and not sit. I'm tired of regrets.
Friday, September 24, 2010
Homeschool
We've been homeschooling for 21 years, starting our 22nd year just a few weeks ago. There are books and papers and projects and notebooks everywhere in my dining room and basement that have accumulated in those 21 years, too. I don't know what to do with them all! But even with all those books and paraphernalia, I wonder, "Did we do enough?"
It's the nature of a homeschool mom to look at her children and compare them to someone else's homeschooled children. We're not supposed to but we do anyway. I know we could have done more co-oping, more science-y stuff, more history lessons and exploration. We could have gone on more field trips and more get-togethers with other homeschoolers. The truth is we did do that...with my older children. Our younger three, not so much. The only thing that changed that I can see is a growing case of burn-out.
Burn-out. Every working person experiences it at one time or other. But I've been at home for all these years! I've had the freedom...or relatively so...to come and go as I pleased provided I took the children with me. I could clean when I wanted (which, I'll be the first to admit, I didn't and still don't do very well). I could read a book. I could walk in my yard in the sunshine. The kids and I could take walks. How can anyone get burned out with those options? Believe me, it's easy. There are no coffee breaks, no adults around on a daily basis (except when Dad comes home just as exhausted), only one pair of hands for disciplining, and wiping noses. It's a 365/24/7 job!
But, there are benefits. Watching the kids venture out into the world is fascinating. I try hard to remember what it was I was feeling at their ages. Watching them handle each situation as it arises (provided they tell me about it, of course) is a lesson for me to shut up and let them handle it.
But back to the basement full of books. I don't have a clear idea of what to do with all of them...but I'm formulating one. And it could work! Maybe. If I don't burn-out on it first.
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Country Living
Country living has its ups and downs as does everywhere else. Sometimes, however, the downs are unlike anything city people encounter.
Our well pump quit this past weekend. That meant no water in our house unless we brought it in from an outside source. We took showers at our son's house who is on city water. We bought water from Wal-Mart. We ran up to our church (which is, thankfully, right around the corner from our house) just to brush our teeth. But the well pump has been replaced along with the wiring and the pipes down to the well. Once again, we have clean fresh water from our aquifer.
Driving anywhere takes a long time. My husband drives an hour and a half to work every day. With traffic, it can take as long as two hours for him to get home in the evening. It's an hour's drive to Denver, half hour to the next major towns, and an hour to Colorado Springs. Of course, now that we have our own Wally World we don't have to leave our little town so much. I spend too much time at Wally's.
We get hail. Sometimes a lot of it. We had hail damage to our roof and it took almost a month for the roofers to get to our house. It was a busy summer for them. Now, we await the new gutters because the hail punched nine big holes in ours. They'll be delayed for a couple weeks, too. The storms we get can be so violent. Other times, like now, we can be so dry. After those storms came through in July, we haven't had any rain to speak of since.
The ups outweigh the downs, though.
For some, the complaint of "it's too quiet" might be valid. Personally, I can't get enough of it! I came home this morning from my workout and just sat in my car watching the squirrels and the crows doing their things in our yard. I listened to the crickets and a few songbirds in the distance. No, it's not too quiet. It's peaceful.
I decided I'd like to have some juice. So I took my cup of OJ and went out to our "round-about." We call it that because it's a round patch of trees and grass (and a ton of pine cones) in the middle of our circular drive. I sat there again watching the birds and listening to the quiet when, through the trees, I saw a hawk soaring on the thermals. If I'd had a really great camera, it would have made an amazing shot! He just soared lazily in circles, flapping every now and then to keep his height, framed in the trees making that perfect shot. I don't think any camera could have done that view justice.
I love my tall pines and my gnarled elms. I love my honeysuckles and my lilacs. I love the native grasses and flowers. I love my view of Pike's Peak. I wouldn't trade it for a view of a highway or skyscrapers for anything.
Our well pump quit this past weekend. That meant no water in our house unless we brought it in from an outside source. We took showers at our son's house who is on city water. We bought water from Wal-Mart. We ran up to our church (which is, thankfully, right around the corner from our house) just to brush our teeth. But the well pump has been replaced along with the wiring and the pipes down to the well. Once again, we have clean fresh water from our aquifer.
Driving anywhere takes a long time. My husband drives an hour and a half to work every day. With traffic, it can take as long as two hours for him to get home in the evening. It's an hour's drive to Denver, half hour to the next major towns, and an hour to Colorado Springs. Of course, now that we have our own Wally World we don't have to leave our little town so much. I spend too much time at Wally's.
We get hail. Sometimes a lot of it. We had hail damage to our roof and it took almost a month for the roofers to get to our house. It was a busy summer for them. Now, we await the new gutters because the hail punched nine big holes in ours. They'll be delayed for a couple weeks, too. The storms we get can be so violent. Other times, like now, we can be so dry. After those storms came through in July, we haven't had any rain to speak of since.
The ups outweigh the downs, though.
For some, the complaint of "it's too quiet" might be valid. Personally, I can't get enough of it! I came home this morning from my workout and just sat in my car watching the squirrels and the crows doing their things in our yard. I listened to the crickets and a few songbirds in the distance. No, it's not too quiet. It's peaceful.
I decided I'd like to have some juice. So I took my cup of OJ and went out to our "round-about." We call it that because it's a round patch of trees and grass (and a ton of pine cones) in the middle of our circular drive. I sat there again watching the birds and listening to the quiet when, through the trees, I saw a hawk soaring on the thermals. If I'd had a really great camera, it would have made an amazing shot! He just soared lazily in circles, flapping every now and then to keep his height, framed in the trees making that perfect shot. I don't think any camera could have done that view justice.
I love my tall pines and my gnarled elms. I love my honeysuckles and my lilacs. I love the native grasses and flowers. I love my view of Pike's Peak. I wouldn't trade it for a view of a highway or skyscrapers for anything.
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Wishful Thinking
"Under the Tuscan Sun" is one of my favorite movies. It stars Diane Lane who plays a newly-divorced writer who is rediscovering what it means to be happy. On a whim, she buys a villa in Tuscany. In Italy. It's a money pit but turns out beautifully. She didn't want to go there in the first place; but when she does, she stays.
I want to go to Italy. I've been toying with the idea of buying Level 1 of Rosetta Stone in Italian and trying to learn the language. This from the person who barely passed first year French in high school. But Italian is such a flavorful language! I can hear the pure zest for life and leisure in the syllables and syntax of the words. I want to learn it.
Have you ever wondered how Spanish, Italian, and Greek speaking people can speak so quickly? Are Americans lazy in their speech because it's rare I ever hear anyone speak English that quickly! The more I delve into the English language, the more I see how very complicated it is in the pronunciation of synonyms. And spelling! My goodness but we have some twisted ways to spell things! I mean "have" and "give" should both be pronounced with long vowels if we follow the rules...but they're not. And that's just one example.
But I digress.
So my wish tonight (even though I haven't wished on a star or a wishbone) is to someday travel to the land of the Caesars and Venice and olives and real spaghetti by people who know how to cook a meal...not a snack. I want to see Rome and the ruins. I want to see Venice and the canals (although I've seen the ones in California). I want to swim in the Mediterranean. I want to see the Italian Alps. I want to sip wine at an Italian winery. I want to soak in local color (not like Lucy did in the wine vat, either).
Italy is not the only place in the world I want to see...but it's a start.
I want to go to Italy. I've been toying with the idea of buying Level 1 of Rosetta Stone in Italian and trying to learn the language. This from the person who barely passed first year French in high school. But Italian is such a flavorful language! I can hear the pure zest for life and leisure in the syllables and syntax of the words. I want to learn it.
Have you ever wondered how Spanish, Italian, and Greek speaking people can speak so quickly? Are Americans lazy in their speech because it's rare I ever hear anyone speak English that quickly! The more I delve into the English language, the more I see how very complicated it is in the pronunciation of synonyms. And spelling! My goodness but we have some twisted ways to spell things! I mean "have" and "give" should both be pronounced with long vowels if we follow the rules...but they're not. And that's just one example.
But I digress.
So my wish tonight (even though I haven't wished on a star or a wishbone) is to someday travel to the land of the Caesars and Venice and olives and real spaghetti by people who know how to cook a meal...not a snack. I want to see Rome and the ruins. I want to see Venice and the canals (although I've seen the ones in California). I want to swim in the Mediterranean. I want to see the Italian Alps. I want to sip wine at an Italian winery. I want to soak in local color (not like Lucy did in the wine vat, either).
Italy is not the only place in the world I want to see...but it's a start.
Sunday, August 29, 2010
New one
New one is right.
I have no idea what to write. I have no idea why anyone would follow what I write. If I write. I've seen some beautiful blogs and follow them. Something to strive for, right?
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